Report: Trump to Revoke Citizenship for Puerto Ricans

in The Salón by

WASHINGTON—An internal report leaked by White House aides suggests that President Trump, after meeting with Puerto Rican governor Ricky Roselló, has decided that the Jones Act, which granted Puerto Ricans U.S. citizenship and will mark its one-hundredth anniversary on March 2, ought to be altered in order to maintain control of Puerto Rican ports but revoke citizenship for both the 3.5 million residents of the island and for the 5 million residents living in the U.S. mainland.

One aide said, on condition of anonymity, that Trump had remarked after meeting with Governor Roselló, “I cannot tell you how many properties of mine have declined in value after Puerto Ricans moved in. They are like a plague, terrible music, the worst parade in the city, and their children smell something awful,” and that Puerto Rican families had not been contributing sufficiently to the country. “They take our jobs, fill up the welfare rolls, we are spending millions funding their people and they spend it all on parties and drugs. They haven’t even had a good Miss Universe since the ’90s, pathetic,” President Trump is quoted as saying.

The report, written by Chief Strategist Steve Bannon, also indicates that the change in citizenship status for Puerto Ricans is connected to the administration’s immigration policy reforms. Citing a study that was first featured on Breitbart, Mr. Bannon’s former website, the mass migration of Puerto Ricans to the United States since 2010 has caused considerable financial strain on healthcare systems and the economies of Orlando and Miami, where more than 1 million Puerto Ricans have migrated in the last seven years.

Because Puerto Ricans are citizens and often educated, they demand higher wages and, according to the report, “Are more nefarious than Mexican immigrants, who steal jobs from working class Americans, whereas Puerto Ricans are affecting the business and technology sectors in a way that is devastating to native born Americans, as Puerto Ricans cannot be deported even if they commit crimes.” Eliminating citizenship under the Jones Act would stymie immigration from the island and allow Puerto Ricans who commit crimes to be sent back to the island, saving the U.S. millions of dollars, the report concludes.

While such a change in policy would require congressional approval, White House aides have said that there is considerable support for the move amongst House Republicans, since many believe that Puerto Rico is a part of Mexico, and should be included in the Trump administrations immigration reforms. “The votes are there, with many members of Congress fed up with the dysfunction of the Puerto Rican government,” one aide is quoted as saying, “After 100 years, Puerto Ricans still have not earned their place in American society. It is becoming clearer by the day that they are holding America back from being great again.”

When reached for comment, Governor Roselló clarified that he was unaware of any conflict with President Trump and that he thought the meeting had gone well. “We talked about the financial control board, and the love Puerto Ricans have for the United States. He even smiled when I mentioned that Hamilton was written by a Puerto Rican.” The governor then added, “This is deeply troubling and would be a disaster for the Puerto Rican people.”

Suset Marcantoni contributed to this report.

 This is a piece of satire.
Any resemblance to actual life is merely a disgrace. 

 

Featured image: Harvey Barrison/Flickr

Jon Marcantoni is a Puerto Rican writer and performer, advocate for the arts, and publisher at La Casita Grande Press. His newest book, 'Tristiana,' is due for release in Fall 2017.

51 Comments

  1. Can that wall be built around Trump put him in it with some education and the knowledge of the Puerto Rican culture they or not immigrants and aren’t part of Mexico they are part of the United States of America he are needs to go back to school

    • Sorry but trump has no respect and it does sound like something he would say he had no filter or respect before he became president u think he is going to change now …. NOT !!!!He made the governor of Puerto Rico think everything went well but he already had this plan in his head when he was running for president and wats more shameful is that Latin people voted for him thinking it was going to be better guess that blew up in their face I bet they wish they can retract their vote for Trump now …. Just my opinion

  2. What’s the point in writing something like this. To get a reaction? It’s things like this that give racist Republicans or anyone who feels a certain way about our people ammunition against us. We don’t need to put this in the minds of people to bring negativity to these uncertain times. I did not like this article even though you say it’s satire. There are too many ignorant people who already think this way. Instead you should write about positive things that our people have accomplished.

    • Since when is Puerto Rican or Hispanic a race? They are white. It’s dummies like you that the leftwing yaks bs to in order to cause a rift within the white race and cause chaos and division. Exactly what Hitler did. Smarten up.

        • We are mix of the best of the best Taino Indian, Spanish, African American. Can’t get a better mixture. In the end we are very proud legal American Puerto Ricans. The best of the best.

        • We are mix of the best of the best Taino Indian, Spanish, African American. Can’t get a better mixture. In the end we are very proud legal American Puerto Ricans. The best of the best.

          • In a “women in the diaspora” study, Puerto Rican women born on the island but living in the United States were shown to be 53.3±2.8% European, 29.1±2.3% West African, and 17.6±2.4% Native American

        • I was born in PR, but according to Ancestry, I am mostly English, Spanish and a small percentage from western France. No trace from Africa or Asia. I have lived on the east coast, west, south and mid-USA for some 50 years. I have never met anyone acceptable of PR as a state. They consider PR a welfare state and as Democrats. Strangers with another language and culture. The hill is composed of representatives of the states of the union. They look for their own state interests. I doubt if they would agree to welcome a new state with more representation in congress than their own state.

      • Hello Pebble.

        Go and study History. Look the North America Map back in the 1400s and tell me who used to own it. Read and tell me who in 1898 came to P.R and took over the Island. Read some history and tell me whish state has or had more Soldier figrhing for our country proudly from WWI until this present day per square mile Nd population. US is Build By Imigrants nor whites, nor black, nor Hispanic but by a Mixture of all of them If someone has the rigth is the Natives Indians. Thrup is no even directly related to anyone birn state side. So I am an American and a US Citizen. Remember America starts in Chile and ends in Alazka. Read History

  3. This is devastatingly unfunny. Given the hysteria that exists nowadays and the concern about fake news, this just makes people crazy and more confused about what to believe. Stop the confusion and stick to facts that will educate our people. Let’s not take social intelligence for granted and banter it away. Our people have been misled enough already for a smart-aleck writer to compound the problem and take advantage of naivety for the sake of humor.

  4. Awful. People that don’t read the whole thing will be wrongly informed, which will then cause resentment and hate toward our new president. Not right, not fair and very unjust. Write about something positive, Jon, we have enough negativism against puerrtoricans.

  5. This piece of satire is not helpful and only adds to the anxiety we’re all feeling. FAKE NEWS under the guise of “satire” does not need another forum. Use your education and skills to write something more worthy of our time.

  6. This is not funny given the negativity that exists for the Puerto Rican people such as myself. As an educated and hard working Puerto Rican, I totally detest this type of humor! Peace not war! This is only spreading more negativity about our people to those who choose to believe in fake news!

  7. I agree with most people here that your writing, while creative, is inopportune. Someone I know posted this on Facebook believing it to be true. You may be an educated wordsmith, but many are not, therefore Trump, whose rise to power is based on ‘alternative facts’ and false news. Willingly or not, you have contributed to the growth of this now prevalent phenomenon.

  8. Trump will never say these things about our people. For the most part we as proud Puerto Ricans are and always will be American citizens by birth and I am all for that. We as a people have been a proud participant (regardless of opinions) of every war that the USA has been involved with and our blood has been spilled all over this world and that my friend can never be forgotten. If the Puerto Rican government were to work for the people of the island as intended and stop stealing the 13 to 14 million a day (just a round figure) our economy would the best in our region. Our government needs to get of their asses and put the people to work and bring industries into the Island and stop trying to tax the living hell out of these industries they bring in. I could go, on but this subject can go on and on. With that I say, thank you very much for listening.

    Regards
    El Boricua de Bayamon

  9. Many points are more valid than people think. In my city in Penna
    the Puerto Rican population increases their sense of entitlement does as well .No effort
    made to.learn ENGLISH.Country
    gives them many businesses and decay of a once great city. Check Reading ,Penna. More drugs ,gangs,shootings,ghettoes than I
    have ever seen in 64 years .I am black so I see and hear all they say
    they are due but many talk like the
    Black people need to leave. No one should be ousted but if you live.in this country obey laws and learn the language. I have no desire to go to PUERTO RICO so why should I learn SPAINISH if it is not my wish.

  10. This is a horrible story that preys on the milllions of people who don’t read the whole story before reporting it. There is no benefit to this disgusting attempt at humor.

  11. Who’s next, HAWAIIANS, satire,realy?
    I’m a 61 year old Puerto Rican, born and raised in this country.
    We as Americans need to respect and protect the integrity of this country.

  12. What a huge idiot for writing something like this. This is not the time to go sharing this garbage around and fueling the morons too stupid to see this is fake. This type of shit can cause big trouble for no reason. Why do this??

  13. Totally agree with most comments in this thread. This writing, although satirical, gives furtherance to the ignorant thinking so pervasive today. Use your talent to write inspirational pieces instead of such distasteful and disrespectful garbage.

  14. Another false story by these moron radical liberals, trying to bring down PRESIDENT TRUMP by
    every possible way they can, feeding lies to the citizens of this Country.

  15. I agree with all the comments displayed. We need positive things to be written. Don’t put more wood in the fire. This World needs love and compassion towards each other.Please don’t write negatives thoughts. (And you are a Puerto Rican) what a shame

  16. Lmao sorry us Puertoricans are not immigrants! Perhaps he should deport his ugly wife and get more educated on the history of PuertoRico before trash talking. Fake or not, this post needs serious help… had me laughing though the hate is real on us PUertoricans.. perhaps looking into the orthodox -Hasidic communites, majority on foodstamps and welfare and see that they are draining the system making us tax payers pay so much. Falsifying records to multiply homes 10000 homes in one small land, their yards are all
    Full of garbage. I can
    Get fined if my yard looks like theirs but they get away??? then isolating their kids preventing them
    From playing with other kids in a play ground! That should be looked at rather building a wall and destroying families….

  17. Totally a moronic piece of writing. Use your education to promote positive pieces and not the negative stigma already felt by many. This piece is disgraceful. Not humorous at all.

  18. How stupid whoever wrote the article is???? I am a Retired Army man who is proud of having served in defense of the right of “stupid” to write “fake news” or trash!!!

  19. Rosa, you took the words right of my mouth, heart and soul. I was born in Cayey in 1944. Came to the mainland in 1950. Served in the US Army, and over thirty years in law enforcement. So sad to see a fellow Boricua acting like a total idiot, spewing hatred and lies. That, my friend, is not satire; it’s ignorance that our people don’t need or appreciate.

  20. WOW! I almost fell 4 this. Glad 2 see its real fake news. These days we as Puerto Ricans need to stick together. With Dump Truck Trump in office, you’ll never know if one day he gets a bug up his ass and away we go. Free trip to the Island.

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