Digital Sex Pushes Millenials to Fuck Themselves [NSFW]

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Every February 14, Americans and their companions celebrate their love and sex filled holiday: St. Valentine’s Day. But who is this mysterious saint, and where did these traditions come from? According to Father O’Gara:

He was a Roman Priest at a time when there was an emperor called Claudias [sic] who persecuted the church at that particular time. He also had an edict that prohibited the marriage of young people. This was based on the hypothesis that unmarried soldiers fought better than married soldiers because married soldiers might be afraid of what might happen to them or their wives or families if they died. The idea of encouraging them to marry within the Christian church was what Valentine was about. And he secretly married them because of the edict.

Poor love activist Valentine was eventually caught, imprisoned and tortured for locking couples into Christian marital vows which were against Emperor Claudius II’s command.  In the year 278 AD, Valentine was sentenced to a three-part execution: beating, stoning, and finally decapitation, all in the name of marriage. Somehow, between beheading and Christian persecution, Valentine’s Day morphed into an erotica-filled Catholic holiday: a lovefest where couples indulge in their deepest fantasies exchanging flowers, expensive dinners and disposable gifts.

Until now, apparently. Because after centuries of Christian martyrs fucking the brains out of their loved ones — and maybe some others — Millenials decided to change this established tradition. Having an orgasmic, loving experience is now left in the past, as studies show Millenials are having less sex than any generation in the past 60 years, making them look like rebelled nuns and priests, obeying their abstinence vows, only to break them behind a webcam. Seems that even GenXers — those over 40 — are getting stitched more than their younger rivals are. In fact, baby boomers — now over 60 — are enjoying their golden age, blooming their tender flesh, legs wide open.

In the era of digital age, the possibilities of getting a bootytext to later become fingerhot are greater. According to a new report, 15 percent of 20- to 24-year-olds have not had sex since turning 18, up from 6 percent in the early 1990s. And a study published in the same journal last year found that although Millennials are more accepting of extramarital sex than earlier generations, they reported fewer sexual partners than any group since the 1960s — an average of eight, compared with 11 for boomers and 10 for Generation X.

Delaying sex is not necessarily bad, experts say: Being intentional about when to have sex can lead to stronger relationships in the long run. The trend may also reflect that women feel more empowered to say no. As people have gotten much more accepting of all sorts of forms of consensual sex, they’ve also gotten more picky about what constitutes consent, said Stephanie Coontz, director of research at the Council on Contemporary Families.

Millennials have been called the most cautious generation. From car seats to cyberbullying, everything is controlled to avoid conflict or injuries; death even. This may translate to, aside from possibly catching sexually transmitted disease, catching an incurable disease called ‘loving feelings.’

An overly cautious life can’t be the only reason young humanoids won’t seduce, let alone date, another flesh-and-blood specimen called ‘person.’ As writer Melissa Batchelor Warnke explains for the L.A. Times:

The proffered reasons for millennial abstinence? A culture of overwork and an obsession with career status, a fear of becoming emotionally involved and losing control, an online-dating milieu that privileges physical appearance above all, anxieties surrounding consent, and an uptick in the use of libido-busting antidepressants.

Translation: Millenials are overworked and underpaid, scared of commitment, somewhat superficial, conscious of rape culture and overly medicated. This may explain why apps like Tinder, Grindr, and Ashley Madison have thrived. These apps are built for users to actually wear and flush a couple condoms with a real human partner. There’s, of course, dating sites like Match.com, Plenty of Fish, eHarmony and Ok Cupid, for those seeking to maintain the actual Valentine’s tradition; or simply engage in real consensual sex.

Like Tara Bahrampour states for the Washington Post:

So has sex declined because people are not meeting in person? Perhaps in part. But online life can also affect offline life in more subtle ways, especially when potential mates can disappear forever with the swipe of a thumb.

Bottom line: Digital sex has made it more exciting to simultaneously tap keyboards and private parts in solitude, instead of going al natural with someone else. GenZers, are the last hope to break this horrid curse. Valentine’s Day is to be celebrated away from the computer or mobile screen. Millenials: Fucking yourself won’t create any bloodline heirs to the fortune you’re trying to amass, while on libido-killing medications. So, go on and have a wonderful Valentine’s Day offline.

Follow Marlena Fitzpatrick @MarlenaFitz

 

Featured image: liz west/Flickr

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